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Spam Fiction: “Mexico Delivered At Your Door”

The third place winner in the Weird Tales Spam Fiction Contest!

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MEXICO DELIVERED AT YOUR DOOR
by Kristine Duffey

I love Mexican food. Tacos, enchiladas, and guacamole are my favorites. So, the email offered to deliver Mexico to my door, and I was hooked. I should have read the fine print. I know better than to jump at something like this — but it was so cheap, and since the accident, I don’t get out very often. Actually, never. It’s amazing the things you can have delivered to your home. Groceries, clothes, books, and just about anything else you can imagine. The email said to allow four to six weeks for delivery. A week or so in, I actually forgot about my order. I felt depressed and had to stay in bed for two weeks. That order was the last thing on my mind.

My order was fulfilled in exactly four weeks. I know that, because I’ve checked the date on the confirmation email. It was an exceptional bargain. That morning I got out of bed and reached out on the porch for the paper. I put out food for the cat and then sat down to drink my tea and read the paper. The day continued on in the same way it has for the last year and a half. Lunch, nap, medicine, some internet surfing, and some General Hospital.

Robert, my mail carrier, shows up at the same time each day. When he has a package, he rings the bell twice and I know it’s him. At three-thirty, the bell rang twice, and I got up to answer the door.

I opened the door with my hand already out to take whatever package he had. But Robert was not there. No one was. It took a full minute for me to register the scene outside my front door.

It was absolutely incredible. A goat walked past on a dirt road, and boys and girls were running past it in their bare feet. Further out was a huge beach with sunbathers here and there. Where was my suburban, white-picket-fence neighborhood? My mailbox was even gone. I called out to a child running past, asking her to come here. She looked at me strangely and ran away. Oh, God. I had forgotten for a second that children were frightened of me. I quickly turned back around and slammed my door. Tears began to well up in my eyes. The rejection is always too much for me to take.

Later, I peeked out of my front window to see if anything had changed. It had not. I have checked the email over and over. Mexico was delivered to my door. Or perhaps I was delivered at Mexico’s door. I’m not entirely clear on that. The fine print said, “No Returns. Satisfied or Not.” I’ve been here a week now and I’m running out of food. I’m afraid I might have to go outside at some point, but I’m not sure I can face this. I want to go back home, where I’m safe.

Kristine Duffey lives in Norman, Oklahoma. She has a bachelor’s degree in anthropology and a master’s in museum studies, both from the University of Oklahoma. This story is her first fiction publication. Kristine is a huge Doctor Who fan. She dabbles in Tarot and wishes she were better at astrology. Kristine plans to participate in NaNoWriMo 2008. You can find her new blog at kristine-duffey.livejournal.com.

Tags: bizarre, contest, cthulhu, fantasy, freak, goth, gothic, horror, literary, literature, lovecraft, new wave, Original Stories, poe, sci-fi, science fiction, scifi, spam, surreal, weird, Weird Tales

This entry was posted on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm and is filed under Original Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “Spam Fiction: “Mexico Delivered At Your Door””

Jen Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
That was delightfully whimsical! Extremely well written and full of fun, I found myself feeling like I was really with the character.

Well done!
Tabby Says:
October 8th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
That’s such a horrific ending! … I love it! A tantalizing first publication.
Kristine Duffey Says:
October 11th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Well, thank you both! I love to write tortured endings.

KD
Erin Cole Says:
June 18th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Another innovative piece! Oh man, I love Mexican food too.